I love this crazy blogging gal. She is like the funniest person you know except that person has been possessed by someone even funnier. Someone like, um, Larry the Cable Guy. Or Will Ferrell. Or Steve Carell. Her comments are a laugh riot, and are mini-versions of her blog posts. What more can I say? The chick is funny. And if you don't follow her, you're stupid. And I mean really stupid. Not just mildly stupid. Really stupid. You know her as DG. I only know her as a hot crockpot full of mad cap bathroom fun. Let's give a warm round of applause for the TOP BLOG OF THE WEEK
ONE TREE CHIN
Look, nobody said that getting older was glamorous, but chin hair? Really? For about five years now, I have been doing battle with a foe so evil, so vile, that I live in a constant state of alert for its reappearance. I’m talking about my chin hair and it’s a doozie. Yes, I said chin hair. Singular.
Now some of you are going to read this and say “Be-yotch, have you lost your damn mind complaining about one little chin hair? I sit up in this electrolysis chair weekly with some angry hermaphrodite zapping me with rads or whatever and you are complaining about one lonely chin hair? “And you would be justified to say that, except, this is no ordinary hair. This is a super hair.
Super in what way? Well I’ll tell you. Besides having a sweet-ass CD collection and a vacation condo in
About five years ago, I was laid off from the company where I had worked for eighteen years. Suddenly, I was thrust out into the uncomfortable world of job interviews (aka brown nosing and groveling) without any real practice. One morning I rolled up on an Eyeglass Manufacturer who was looking for a Business Analyst for their manufacturing system. Dressed in my best ugly interview suit, I did a quick rearview mirror check for spinach in the teeth and what do I see in the harsh glare of the afternoon sun? A half inch long chin hair. Cripes man! It was just waving in the wind. How did I not ever see this before? Giving its length, it had to be cultivating for a while and someone was force feeding it Miracle Gro.
Utterly unprepared for the cosmetic challenge I had before me, I tried to pull the hair out with my fingers. Let me just say that without the laser beam precision and gripping power of a tweezers, this is no easy feat. I pulled and tugged and pinched and yanked, but it kept slipping out of my grip. Finally after about 10 minutes of wrestling with it, it came out, PAINFULLY. This thing had more roots than Pam Anderson between touch-ups. Double checking the mirror, I could see that there was no longer a hair there, but there was a nickel sized circle of angry red skin from all my pulling. Undaunted, I marched into that interview and gave my best dog and pony show.
Did I get the job? No, but I did get what was to be the beginning of a five year war with the hair on my chin. Let me tell you a little something about chin hair . . . it’s mutable. It will change its texture, color, length on a whim. Back then, it was fine in texture and a soft brown color. Today, it is a big, wide tree stump of a hair, but it has grayed (bonus!), so I don’t see it as easily, I have to rely on feeling. If I run my hand over my chin and sustain a flesh wound, it’s time to pluck. Pretty, I know.
There is an upside to this story and that is that it never brought any more friends to the party. It is a solitary hair and does not wish to share the real estate with anyone else. And I am truly thankful for its greedy, anti-social behavior.
As a delightful post script to this story, I later found out through the grapevine that the girl that got the job at the eyewear manufacturer was a former coworker of mine. Her last name? Chin. I wish I were kidding. I’m not.
OH DG! Thanks so much for regaling us with tales of your chin hair slash tree stump! Don't we all wish we had something similar to share? Oh but I think we do! Now be a good SFTC follower and go leave a comment in DG'S blog bathroom. As for me, let me know what is the most vile disgusting thing about yourself? And if you are perfection, what grosses you out about others? Like warts, stray nose hairs, etc. Whatever you have for me, post it in the comments!
Thanks for all of my comment love! My family is coming to stay with us tomorrow so I've got lots on my to do list so you won't see me on your blogs today but I will be back as scheduled on Monday! Have a great weekend!
56 comments:
I love this gal!! She totally cracks me up and I have and will remain her faithful puppy~
This chick is hilarious! I love the battle with the chin hair!
Squee! I always love finding new blogs to read!
OMG, did I just say SQUEE?
hove a great weekend!
Thanks for recommending this crazy gal! Will definitely be following her now. Have a great weekend!
Why didn't you let Hansel or Gretel pick it for you?
I have been following DG for a while now and will continue to do so---so glad she's top blog this week!
Love the battle with the chin hair. I did my time with electrolysis, but was warned when I hit menopause it all might be undone. Can't wait!
Oh my goodness, I have a single chin hair too. And it's a MONSTER! And you know what's really sick? I found like a half inch hair growing on my shoulder...WTH???
i recently posted about the plucking of chin hairs. all the glam gals are talking about it. if nicole kidman had a blog, she'd post about chin hairs too. she told me...
stopping over to follow you!
I've loved DG for awhile now. Seriously - go check her out!
I have had one hair that must have been 2.5 inches long and I thought... nobody said anything?
I can vouch for the difficulty in pulling out one hair mine was down by my neck on one far side.
Your story telling was great!
I have the same damn chin hair and the same wrestling it out sans tweezer story. Why oh WHY do we gals need to have more to monitor as we grow older?!!
Well I haven't had any contact with chin hairs, but I know they are in my future: my grandma plucks like its an olympic sport.
I do however have a mustache that any man would be jealous of. It all started after I had my daughter, I had NEVER had anything like this before. All of the sudden the skin above my lip darkened and so did the hair. So I try and wax and do all I can, but even if there's no hair the skin "looks" like there is something there. I guess I'm going to be getting laser torture or something. It has got to be stopped!
I used to get one like that growing out of my ginormous mole on the edge of the side of my face.
LOL This girl is awesome and hilarious!! i'm off to follow her NOW! ps. laser laser laser
WOW. That's some facial hair(singular) growth.
Your chin seems to be very fertile.
What exactly have you been using for moisturizer?
no facial hair for me yet - hopefully never
Very funny! I'm going to stop over and check out her blog.
It cracked me up that there was an ad for American Laser Centers at the bottom of your page, just above the comment button!
Oh Diary of a Mad Bathroom, how I love that name, and how fun that must be, as I only have diarrhea in a sad bathroom...
It sounds like that is more than a hair, it is celery. Yes. You have celery growing out of your face.
I once had a 2 inch gray hair coming out of my cheek; I too wondered how the heck it got there without me noticing, since I often am squeezing out copious amounts of puss from my myriad of zits. I yanked on it and after a few tugs it came free. Do you know how sexy I felt at that moment? SO sexy that I ran over and showed my husband. He.was.in.awe. Then we both cried.
But really, I think it might have been some rouge hair that I picked up whilst walking around in the mall, and there was something sticky on my face, like syrup from my morning breakfast at IHop, and it was just a fluke that the hair found the sticky spot.
The End.
Glad it's not just me with the premature chin hair. I expected as much would happen once I reached grandma-age, but not while in my fucking 20's. What's grosser than the pluckable chin hair? The pregnancy-induced blonde mustache blossoming on my upper lip. FML. I give up one kind of painful waxing (no way am I letting anyone near my bikini line with these pregnancy-induced thunder thighs) and get to go in for another.
What I want to know is how they grow from nothing, nothing, nothing, INCH LONG!~ in like a minute??? Frustrating.
Hysterical, thanks for the rec!
LMAO your ad that runs right under the post is for a laser hair removal center!
she is soooo funny!! i'm going to check out her place right now :)
yes- i too at 29 years old have had one- that pretty much fits the tree trunk comparison- for YEARS. as long as i can remember. and it does in fact grow like an inch in one second. i know exactly where it is, so i am constantly feeling my chin to make sure it isnt rearing its ugly head.
i also have a "beauty mark" (it makes me feel better than mole) about an inch to the left and a half an inch up from where the evil hair sprouts- and that too will occasionally create a friend for the other one. i'm scared to see what my face will look like when i'm old. a full beard perhaps?
omg that was hysterical, thanks for recommending her!
Very funny in a "this is so real I may have to hurt myself" kind of way.
Flash 55 - Favors
When I was a teen...my mom had that same hair. She would forget to pull it, and because her eyesight wasn't great she would ask me to see if it was there each week before we headed into church. She always forgot to put the tweezers in her purse, so there I would be in the church parking lot trying to grab it with my nails. It grossed me out to pull it for her. Felt like I was picking her zit. Holly:)
She is awesome! Great choice and have fun with the family
Thanks for featuring this blogger! i took your lead and blindly followed. 'cause anybody who likes sticky notes has got to be cool right?
Thanks!
I just love to pick at things. I'm a picker. Scabs, zits, bug bites- doesn't matter. All are fair game and each brings me a new joy every time.
I LOVE this post - will head over and give her props for suffering from something that is just frikken annoying.
Checked my perfect life and can't find anything yukky - ok truth I can't narrow it down to only one or two or even three things. Like the previous commenter lets just say my husband should never come near me if he has a zit.
So this has nothing to do with your post, other than I loved it.
But let me tell you what a *&%##$@ retard I am. I am so new to all this bloggin' and I had no idea you had commented on my family blog, HA!!! I'm seriously not drunk 24/7, I just didn't know wtf was going on. So THANKS! I have been going back and forth about doing a real blog and just decided to jump in, so you can see a sliver of what may be to come or shit maybe I will quit tomorrow, who knows. Anywho, thanks for the luv!
www.boopsdoestulsa.com
I already love on her blog, but it is great to see her featured here!!!
well I will check her out... as a fellow chin hair participant...
That's so funny, I read one of her comments last week and started reading. Who knew.
Okay, she notes bitterly, I am still waiting. I may just have to steal the button and pretend like you like me.
Lol :oP
Annoying. Singular. Anti social. Can change in an instant.. sounds like me if I were a chin hair.
I have a giant ass mole on my stomach with a lone hair sticking out of it. I've plucked at it, and given up pretty quickly. It can stay there.. I'm a guy, what do I care about hair in strange places?
I just love her! She is crazy funny!
Come on over and grab your award button from Wordle Wednesdays.
thanks for the intro to some funny stuff!
a vile and disgusting thing about myself? do tired boobies count? read all about it here...
http://elasticwaistbandsandcomfortableshoes.blogspot.com/2009/11/i-need-to-get-something-off-my-chest.html
How funny, i have one too!
your tree stump has a cousin on my face. we should take this family out.
I have become addicted to reading blogs. When I need a pick me up I head to my computer and start reading. You guys crack me up.
Thanks
Chin hair is for old folks. I happened to pluck mine like an obsessed surgeon before attending my class reunion this summer.
Now can we talk about nipple hair?
We're all vain. I would have pulled that sucker out too.
My thing is nose hair. If I'm not careful, it grows out fast.
Yeah, but does it have a name?? Mine is "Chinny". I hate Chinny.
In the shower I tend to hold the razor between my teeth while lathering up my armpit for a shave. One day, the razor slipped out from my teeth, nicked my chin and now I have 2 nasty wicked chin hairs that I do battle with on a regular basis.
Freak accident - Now I am Freak!
Great Post!!
DG is Da Bomb! She is high-larious and a great blog friend, too.
Many things gross me out: phlegm, snot, errant hairs, burping, farting. You know - man things.
If it's any consolation, keep plucking and at a certain (or uncertain age) it will just give up. I know that seem impossiple to you now, but, really, it will. That's no guarantee that a new one won't sprout.
This Thanksgiving I will remember what I am so thankful for....NO, I repeat, NO chin hairs in my life!!!! Yea!!!!!
And I like picture #3!
Awesome blog review!
I'm so jealous! Only one?! I've got a block party going on.
Have fun with your family~ Thanks for the blog award!
sandy toe
OH MY FREAKN' WORD! I just pissed my pants and choked on my own saliva. That is the funniest thing I have ever heard. It is like she is my brain. This is a fight I go through on a monthly basis. Only mine comes three days before my period. So I get zits now to boot. I haven't had sits in 20 years.
This post was all too familiar! I too have a chin hair, tree trunk size that I have to pluck on a regular basis! But mine is of amigratory nature; it may be on the lifet side of my chin one day, and a few days after extracstion, it may reappear on the right side of my chin, on my neck under my chin, or on my cheek! Thank goodness I'm retired and have the time to search the sprout out!
I have battled the single chin hair for about 10 years now, but this summer I found something new. I now have a mustache. I've tried many different tactics to remove it, and find shaving to be the best. Any other tactic causes pimples to form on my upper lip. Gray hair, single, white chin hair, dark mustache, and pimples. Ugh! Aging bites!
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