TOP BLOG OF THE WEEK: SARA SPELLED WITHOUT AN H

Before we get started, have you listened to this week's podcast yet? Do you have any idea what you are missing?

Right off the bat, I spaz out because my dog barking and whale sound affects (or is it effects? someone please tell me) didn't download. There's a lot of screaming, ranting, and raving and shooting myself in the face.

Then when Kim launches into her blue whale with an 80 foot penis being narrated by David Attenborough story, I can't stop speaking in whale for like 10 minutes. It's good stuff, people. Good stuff. I forgive you. Just go HERE. Like, right now. I'll cut you. Now here's Sara.

This Top Blogger is a twenty-something graduate student who originally hails from the Midwest, but is now studying in North Carolina. She is adorable. She is whimsical, delightful, and the closest thing you are going to get to a slice of heaven, on a Friday. I heart her with all my heart. Her grandparent stories leave me in stitches, and I feel very protective of her, like she is my much younger sister. Please give it up for this week's Top Blog of the Week, Sara at

SARA SPELLED WITHOUT AN H

The Bubble

I like to think I have myself pegged.

I know most of my strengths (eating, sleeping and pop culture references), but more importantly, I recognize the majority of my weaknesses (parallel parking, simple math and french fry consumption).

While I'm sure I'm blind to one or two of them, I think I'm pretty in tune with me.

This is not true of everyone.

Now, I think we've all met or known someone who thinks he or she sings like Christina, cooks like Giada or has a razor-sharp wit like Joel McHale.

Because these are probably people you see once or twice a week, there's no real harm in just going along with it. So, when Gail from your carpool makes her "famous" non-fat, low-sodium, sugar-free, buckwheat brownies, you choke one down, rub your tummy and announce, "It's good!"

When Ron from Accounting asks for your opinion on the short story he's submitting to a writing contest with the local community college, you critique a little of his grammar but mainly praise him for his enthusiastic use of adjectives.

However, when it's someone you're dating (especially if you just started dating), it becomes a completely different story.

Suddenly, you're with this person who thinks he has great taste in movies or plays the guitar like Clapton. And naturally, he wants to share his gift with you.

So, you find yourself watching Nacho Libre because it's his favorite movie and he just knows that you'll love it, too!

This is usually where the path forks.

If you're lucky enough to have this capability, at the end of the movie you might say, "Wow. I now have yet another reason to hate Jack Black".

However, if you're like me, you'll find yourself saying, "I had no idea Spanish wrestling was so similar to American wrestling!" or "Wasn't the countryside in that movie just breath-taking?"

Everyone has known or dated someone in *The Bubble. I want to hear all about it.

Did you go out with someone claiming to make authentic Chinese food that actually tasted like microwaved tennis balls?

Does your neighbor's attempt at witty banter always sound like a recipe exchange on NPR?

Does your office mate keep buying you Vera Bradley accessories because you haven't had the heart to tell her you hate that quilted mess?

Come on.

Shout, shout. Let it all out!

*The Bubble is a 30 Rock episode featuring John Hamm. If you need further clarification, go here

Oh Sara, you have not disappointed me! Even finishing the post with a question. She's my little girl! I told myself I wouldn't cry. There. It's over. Now go over to Sara's place, FOLLOW HER WITHOUT QUESTION, and leave her some comment love over there too. If you don't, you're hurting no one but yourself.

HOW I GOT BEAT BY THE FUZZ AND INTERVIEWED BY THE LOCAL NEWSPAPER ALL IN THE SAME NIGHT PART III.

Before we get started, have you listened to this week's podcast yet?

Do you have any idea what you are missing?

Do you have any idea what a podcast is? No? Well, I don't know what to tell you. Well, actually, I do. It's a talk show (kinda like the radio except not) that you listen to from your computer. That thing you're staring at right now.

Here's how the podcast went. Right off the bat, I spaz out because my dog barking and whale sound affects (or is it effects? someone please tell me) didn't download. There's a lot of screaming.

Then when Kim launches into her blue whale with an 80 foot penis story, I can't stop speaking in whale for like 10 minutes. It's good stuff, people. Good stuff. I forgive you. Just go HERE. Like, right now. I'll cut you.

When we last visited me, I was being sprayed by a fireman's hose. Go HERE.

The next thing I am aware of is a hand on my arm.

The next thing I am aware of is a police officer beating the ever-loving-sh*t out of me with his night stick.

I swirl around and psycho-nightmare-spaz-fit scream into his face,

I. AM. A. GIRL.

And in the same psycho-nightmare-spaz-fit he screams into my face

I DON'T GIVE A
EFF YOU SEE KAY
WHAT YOU ARE.

Why, I never.

I run away from him as fast as my out-of-shape-yet-still-slender-and-devoid-of-all-cellulite-collegiate-legs will carry me.

I hear my boyfriend screaming.

Two cops. Beating him. With night sticks.

You have got to be kidding me.

I am a girl. What am I doing to do about this situation?

I tell you what I am going to do. I am going to run like hell, looking backwards occasionally to yell useful things like,

C'mon! We gotta get out of here! Let's go! Would you .... gah! Jesus! I can't ... ya know ... call me later. Ok. Well, I'll just see you tomorrow.

He eventually escaped and caught up with me on foot.

Two blocks away.

Where I was being interviewed by a reporter about what had happened.

I've never been one to shy away from the press.

The next day I was quoted word-for-word on the front page.

And that's how my parents found out their daughter was involved in the Kathryn Place Riots of '92.

And when my mother called to find out if I was okay, I told her, (and I quote)

The f*cking cops were beating the sh*t out of everybody.

And to this day, that is still what I am most traumatized over.

Wow. WHAT A RIDE. Three posts. Three days. I am exhausted. But aren't you glad I didn't just shove it all into one long post, which is what I would normally do? Me too. So here's the question: What is the worst thing you've ever said to someone?

HOW I GOT BEAT BY THE FUZZ AND INTERVIEWED BY THE LOCAL NEWSPAPER ALL IN THE SAME NIGHT PART II.

When we last visited me, I was being hit in the head with a full can of beer. Go here.

At this point in our story, 2,000 drunken college students are heaving full beers at the fire truck making its way (slowly) down the street. Let's continue.

I know, ... how did you get hit in the head with a beer if you were INSIDE the house? Well, because (of course) I wandered outside to the front stoop to see what all the commotion was about.

Biker toughs, furniture on fire in the street, Old Milwaukee's Best beer-missiles, damage to public property ... and yet, I stayed.

Couch #2 is taken into the street and set on fire.

Awesome.

The firemen come again. But this time, they are not alone.

This time they have police officers in full riot gear with them. Who are apparently using bull horns to order everyone to disperse.

Who knew?

In our college-wisdom, we decide it's best to stay put and find out what happens next.

Well, what happens next is that the firemen put out the fire with a big hose full of very powerful water which sprays dangerous and jaggedy bits of debris all over myself and my equally-as-stupid co-horts.

Clearly, now it's time to go.

But we can't.

Because we're being sprayed into the corner of this house, by the powerful water-shooting hose.

Stay tuned for part III ... I know, I still haven't been beaten by the cops, but while this story is long, your attention spans are very short.

Have you ever been sprayed by a fire hose? Or other equally powerful water source? Like Niagara Falls. Discuss.

SPEAKING FROM THE CRIB PODCAST SEASON ONE EPISODE 4 AIRS TODAY AT 12:00 PM EST WITH INSANITY KIM

My podcast airs live at 12:00 PM Eastern Standard Time today. You can listen to it from HERE.

If you missed the show, you can still click on the link and listen to the archived version.

This week Speaking from the Crib welcomes Blogger Insanity Kim (IK) from A Parent's Life to Behold Through the Eyes of Insanity & Bliss

Again, IK leaves some of the funniest comments ever on my blog. She will go into great detail about a cougar attack. And at the end say, btw, that was a lie. I just laugh and laugh. Oh IK!

She does things like barf up lungs while riding the ceiling fan. She truly is INSANE. So imagine how this homeschooling mom of two handles the S3X talk while watching a David Attenborough narrative on the lives of blue whales.

We will be taking callers. (347) 539-5407

With that, here's my UPDATED upcoming show line-up:

Tuesday, March 3 at 11:30 AM EST
Nathanael Rey (T!nk) from This is How It Feels: A Survivor's Guide

Tuesday, March 9 at TBD EST
Leigh from Leigh vs Laundry

Tuesday, March 16 at 8:00 PM EST
DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom

Thursday, March 25, at 9:00 PM EST
Lee the Hotflash Queen at Headaches, Hormones, & Hotflashes

Thursday, April 1, at 12:00 PM EST
Midget Man of Steel or Mooooooog (who knows how many O's. I'm not counting) at Mental Poo

Tuesday, April 6 at 7:00 PM EST
Amanda (MODG) at Martinis or Diaper-Genies?

Tuesday, April 13 at 7:00 PM EST
MiMi at Living in France

I hope you'll tune in. And one question:

What blogger would YOU like to hear on a SFTC podcast? And yes, you can put MYSELF. It worked for Mental Poo.

HOW I GOT BEAT BY THE FUZZ AND INTERVIEWED BY THE LOCAL NEWSPAPER ALL IN THE SAME NIGHT PART I

The year: 1992.

The place: The annual May Day celebration at Kathryn Place.

The event: A good old-fashioned cop beat down.

Kathryn Place was a one way street off campus. They were residential homes, but most, if not all, housed students. Each year, the weekend before finals, the residents of Kathryn Place would close the street and host a block party. Around 2,000 attended.

This fatal year I actually knew someone who lived on the street, so I had an in house pass; which meant, I didn't have to stand in the street with the rest of the drunken riff-raff slash losers.

In addition, although 21 years of age, I did not drink beer and beer was the only beverage. So I was stone-cold sober. Retain that.

At some point during the festivities, a group of biker toughs arrived and began looting the homes of furniture and dragging said furniture into the street to set it on fire.

I am not even kidding.

And yet, I stayed.

Enter the Fire Department.

They extinguish the flames and instead of exiting back out of the street they decide to drive down it; through 2,000 drunken college students. With lots of beer cans to throw.

There were a lot of bad decisions made that night.

At this point, I get slammed in the back of the head with a full can of beer.

Stay tuned for Part II ... because I haven't even been beaten by the cops yet.

Have you ever been beaten by the cops OR hit in the back of a head with a full can of beer? If so, what brand? Discuss.

TOP BLOG OF THE WEEK: PARENTING WOES, WHOAS, AND WAHS

This Top Blogger is a 40 something mother of three and self-confessed sufferer of ADD. Forgetful, easily distracted, bad with money, flighty, forgetful, and sometimes forgetful. A humorous writer, faithful follower, and giver of great comments and insightful advice. Please give it up for this week's Top Blog of the Week, Quandlequeen at

PARENTING WOES,
WHOAS, AND WAHS

PINK EYE

My kids are past the pink eye days, but lo and behold I've managed to get the nasty disease. It's forced me to take off work (yes that IS the cause of tears streaming down my face, not the infection... riiiiight). I don't miss having sick kids, but I do somewhat miss having random days off because of sick kids - you know what I'm talking about, right?

It took me a while to figure out the source of the contagion, but sometime this morning I recalled using a computer at the library on Saturday and touching my face. I know better. I work on computers for a living and just last week pleaded at the monthly staff meeting for my coworkers to wipe down their laptops with antiseptic wipes because when they get sick *I* get sick. Total self preservation there. After using a public computer I should have gone directly into the restroom and washed my hands. But I didn't and I'm pretty sure I wiped something off my face. After touching my face I always manage to remember my mother admonishing me when she showed up at my job at Taco Bell twenty odd years ago, you know in that screwed up way that mothers do just to embarrass you, and her pointing out that I touch my face a lot. I can't remember this motherly advice/observation/social embarrassment BEFORE I touch my face. No, always after. And thus, I infect myself with something crusty and gross in my eye. Lovely.

As I lay on the couch I think of sick days from school. It's mandatory that sick days are spent on the couch. Well I assume such for the entire world, but maybe it's just my family. You're really super sick if you can't even get out of bed. My ever so helpful mother would leave a pot and a wooden spoon to serve as bell if the invalid needed anything. In retrospect I'm sure my mother intentionally never obtained a real bell because she would be forced to do bodily harm to the first of us miscreants to ring it out of pure amusement... or need... whichever.

Since none of us had acquired the taste for tea, she would make jello and make us drink it hot. In case you have never had the pleasure, it is sweet. Too sweet. And when you vomit, it adds unnecessary color. I'm sure that last detail was also unnecessary, but the world needs to know. In case. Drink your tea and be glad of it!

With my own sickly children, they also got to drive the couch, but no banging device as everyone is right there anyway. A few times I even made the evil hot jello for them, but they fortunately LIKE tea and quickly opted out of grandma's tonic, waiting, instead, for it to set up and eat it like proper American children. I do insist that my kids drink orange juice when they are sick. They choke it down like troopers and pretty much avoid the stuff the rest of the time. I swear by it.

As I talk to friends and coworkers, I discover that not everyone is privy to the restorative powers of driving the couch, watching Scooby-Doo, eating jello and sipping orange juice. They were forced to stay in bed and drink broth, or worse, tough it out and go to school/work.

So what was the sick day options when you were growing up, and what do you offer to your own children?]

Thank you Qandlequeen for posing a question to my followers! You know how I love that! Now take a quick sec and hop on over to her place to leave some comment love and even follow. C'mon. It won't kill you.

I AM HERE. I AM GREEK. SO SUCK IT. UPDATED WITH AN AWESOME PICTURE. GO LOOK RIGHT NOW OR I'LL CUT YOU.

I invite you and your blogs to join me for International Badge Day on Monday, March 1, 2010. On this day, women who number in the millions, will honor our separate and distinct Greek affiliations by wearing our badges or letters.

And some of us will even blog about it.

That's right. Get out those composites. I want pictures, I want rush stories, I want hazing stories (which is illegal and distasteful and should have never happened).

I want to hear about it all on your blog!

Let's unite over the passed-out-girl-with-vom-on-her-shirt-lying-under-the-keg-at-the-frat-house, and show the world how truly entertaining we are!

(Underage drinking is also illegal and distasteful and should never be celebrated or showcased).

yes, that's me.
what a siren.
created by Jill
sometimes it pays to know people

My Big Fat Greek Life: Why I Didn't Pay People To Be Nice To Me

My Big Fat Greek Life: I Have Been To Hell and It Is Filled With Drunk College Boys OR the Most Awesome Night of My Life. Ever. And How I Barely Ever Mention It To Friends.

My Big Fat Greek Life: How Craming 87 Women In A Burned Out VW Helps You Bond For Life

My Big Fat Greek Life: My Lady. My Legacy.



Who's with me? And if you read past the title of the blog post, you will soon realize, I am not of Grecian origin but am referring to my collegiate experiences as a member of the Greek System aka the Fraternity and Sorority Life.

The skimming weasels strike again.

WHACKED OUT BK WORKERS AND THEIR ASSUMPTIONS PART I

If you did NOT listen to my podcast yesterday, do so now please. It was wonderful. Boops was wonderful, my co-host Jill was my rock when I accidentally hung up on Boops, and thank you so much to my callers, Insanity Kim and Nathanael Rey. Love you girls. Thanks also to the SEVEN people who listened live. That's right. I'm THAT big. It's all right here.

I am a mother who does what she says she is going to do. So a few Fridays ago when I told my son we were going to a high school basketball game, we were going. Snow or not.

Directly after the basketball game and during the ensuing snow storm, I decide to hit the Burger King drive thru. As the BK manager hands me my BK Kids meal, she says, rather loudly anyone driving out in this is CRAZY!

I hand my son his dinner and say to him, rather loudly that was completely inappropriate. To which the BK manager shouts, WHAT?!!

Avoiding impending confrontation, I say to her Nothing. To which she says, Did you just say I was inappropriate?

I guess we are doing this.

I respond, You just called me crazy. You called a customer crazy. I don't think that's right. You don't know why I am out driving in this. Maybe I have no choice.

And I didn't.

Because I am a mom who does what she says she's going to do.

Sidenote:

While I was fighting with the Burger King drive thru manager, I had a run-in with Zydrunas Ilgauskas. Maybe. He plays for the Cleveland Cavaliers.

Was he driving a silver Dodge Stratus through a Burger King drive through in a snow storm ... I think ... maybe. The guy was super-tall and bald, and I thought I heard a distinct Eastern European accent

By the time the confrontation with the BK manager was finished, Zydrunas was long gone in his Dodge Stratus, with no hope of an autograph or the ability to trail him to his house.

I know where LeBron lives too.

Throw downs with the service industry? Or are you on the other side of the counter? Give me your best oh-no-you-didn't encounters!

SPEAKING FROM THE CRIB PODCAST SEASON ONE EPISODE 3 AIRS TONIGHT AT 8 PM EST WITH BOOPS DOES TULSA

My podcast (a pseudo-radio show you listen to from the computer) airs live at 8:00 PM Eastern Standard Time tonight. I know it says Feb 17 on the link. I do not know why. It is incorrect. It is tonight. You can listen to it HERE. If you miss the show, click the link to listen to the archived version.

This week Speaking from the Crib welcomes Blogger Boops Does Tulsa, author of The Blog Formerly Known as Boops Does Tulsa. Boops left the funniest comments on my blog. I would go visit her blog and it was a family blog. I wanted her to do a humor blog. She did and it was great.

Then she was gone. Turns out, the husband didn't appreciate Boops's Blog so much. I complained that she was gone and she came back. And now she's better than ever.

So tune in tonight to hear Boop's blogging journey. We will be taking callers. (347) 539-5407

With that, here's my upcoming show line-up:

Tuesday, February 23 at 12:00 pm EST
BloggerInsanity Kim from A Parent's Life to Behold Through the Eyes of Insanity & Bliss

Tuesday, March 3 at 11:30 AM EST
Blogger Nathanael Rey (T!nk) from This is How It Feels: A Survivor's Guide

Tuesday, March 9 at TBD EST
Blogger Leigh from Leigh vs Laundry

Tuesday, March 16 at 8:00 PM EST
Blogger DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom

I hope you'll tune in.

And one question:

What blogger would YOU like to hear on a SFTC podcast?

IS JESUS STILL HANGING ON THE CROSS AND HOLDING YOUR PEE THE ENTIRE MOVIE. DISCUSS.

Car rides with my son are interesting. The shorter, the more entertaining. He knows he’s got a lot of sh*t to cram in, so he just goes for it.It was a four minute ride to basketball practice.

We drive past his school.This reminded him they aren’t allowed to play on the snow piles. He thinks this rule is stupid, and then he quickly launched into the story of how he held his pee the whole time we went to go see Mall Cop.

Which leads to (obviously) is Jesus still hanging on the cross? Where is he? What did they do with him? Is he’s out in the middle of the desert somewhere and no one can find him?

No, son, Jesus rose from the dead and went to heaven to be with God.

His Father?

Yes, his Father.

How did God get pregnant?

He was probably very careless.

What?

Actually, God didn’t give birth, he was the Father. He gave Jesus to Mary.

Like how he gave me and sissy to you?

Exactly.

What is the most ridiculous thing you have recently been asked? By a child or anyone, In the car, or at your house, or, wherever. And what movie did you have to hold your pee? Me? The Hand That Rocked The Cradle.

TOP BLOG OF THE WEEK: Confessions of ME

Before we begin, I am being featured today over at A Fabulously Good Life for Maven's Lady Marmelade Celebration, February 8-12, where she's featuring five awesome female bloggers, including my bloggy gal pals, Tracie at Stir-Fry Awesomeness (Thursday, February 11) and Lee at Headaches, Hormones, & Hotflashes (Tuesday, February 9). It's her female version of It's Raining Men where she featured five men bloggers. Go check her (and us) out! Now on with our show!

This Top Blogger hails from Pittsburgh, PA. I will not hold that against her. She boasts a disclaimer on her blog that states

If I offend anybody with any posts of bad tippers, cranky babies or otherwise #?!@*head customers, get over it or go somewhere else.

She's for real, people. Do not mess with her. She's not afraid of the swears. If you are afraid of the swears, take a detour elsewhere.

Yet, do not fear her, because she does have a soft side. Like her Humbled post and her Happy Birthday post (my personal favorite).

She's a self-described 30something cynical, sarcastic, waitress looking to a future outside of the restaurant, and cautions us:

DON'T MESS WITH THE WAITRESS; SHE IS THE LAST ONE TO TOUCH YOUR FOOD BEFORE YOU!

Just as a side note, I am always nice to my waitress. Always. And I always tip too. For that very reason.

You know her as Brndoutw8ress (cool, huh?) I know her as a wonderful follower, blogger, and (nervous throat clearing) waitress. Without further ado, please give it up for my Top Blog of the Week, Brndoutw8ress at Confessions of ME

Confessions of ME

I want to talk about how much I hate waiting on kids, toddlers, children, gremlins, babies etc. The other night I let out a sigh of disgust as I watched a family of 4 small children being sat in my section. Oh boy.

Yep you're right; I am prejudice. I HATE kids. Uh-oh. Are you thinking, uh-oh? I'm thinking uh-oh. No, I do not give you the benefit of the doubt; I judge you and your kids before I even approach your table. Feeling effects of judging. Or is it A-ffects? Either one = not a good feeling.

I am bias I know, but after 17 years of cleaning up puke, throwing way tons of soggy sugar packets, and having my eardrums explode out of the side of my head I feel as though I am entitled to my hatred of ankle-biting toddlers.

Case in point:

As I am trying to take the order from the ADULT at the table, this whiny, snot-nosed little brat screams at me "hey lady". What? Are you f...ing kidding me, have some respect for your elders kid, I am here to make sure your stupid chicken fingers get here for you to shove into your face hole. Well, we can't control what comes out of their mouths! If we could, they would just say, You're the best mommy in the whole world, over and and over and over.

I am NOT one of those waitresses that dote over your "cute" offspring. Personally I don't think its so special that little Janey lost her tooth. Big f..king deal--we all lose teeth. Show me something truly spectacular like an Olympic medal or your degree from brain surgery school or something. Okay, here goes ... in 1993 I won the Greek Songfest Combined with the TKE and Delta Tau Deltas ... I don't have the trophy anymore, I had to leave it at the Kappa house, but I do have photos ...

While I'm at it, your precious newborn isn't all the cute. She's not talking about mine. My baby was totally cute straight from birth. Frankly, she's quite ugly; she looks like an alien. She doesn't mean that. Really.

Her skin is all wrinkly, her ears stick out from her big bald head and she's got a bad case of cradle cap, eww her head skin is fluffing off onto the table! Get her outta here or at least put her back in that devise that took you an hour to get out of the car and lets say we get down to business:

Would you like soup or salad with your chicken parm? Hmm. I'm gonna say salad.

This gives a whole new insight into family dining, doesn't it? Now be a good SFTC follower and go visit this Top Blog, leave her some comment love, and follow ... if you've got the grapes. And remember ... have a great weekend.

MY FIRST BRUSH WITH INFLICTING PARENTAL EMBARRASSMENT. WHAT A DREAM COME TRUE.

I was taking my son to basketball practice last week. He’s 7 years old.

Little did he know that I had only secured four hours of sleep the previous night and had spent the morning at the gym doing a VIGOROUS Jackie Werner of Bravo TV’s Workout fame workout and after I came home and got a shower, those black flannel pajama bottoms with the bunnies and cupcakes were calling my name.

And they would not be ignored.

Wear me! Wear me! With your new black Ugg rip off boots. It’ll be fun and comfy to be so CAZ. (That's short for casual). And I totally made that up.

And I did it. I put them on and I felt caz and comfy and wonderful.

Fast forward six hours, I'm putting on my coat, and my son looks down at my pants and the following conversation ensues,

Mom you’ve GOTTA change!

Why.

Because you’re wearing PAJAMAS!

So.

Maaaaahhhhhmmmmmm! (translate: whiney version of Mom)

Do you want me to take you to basketball practice or not?

Yes.

Then get in the car.

When is the first time you remember your parents embarrassing you or how do you embarrass your kids?

BLOG TALK RADIO'S SPEAKING FROM THE CRIB PODCAST, SEASON 1, EPISODE 2, WITH ADAM GERCAK FROM THROWING QUARTERS

Today is Blog Talk Radio podcast day at the Crib. It airs live at 11:30 am Eastern Standard Time. You can listen to it from my blog or go to Blog Talk Radio dot com and search Speaking from the Crib. Or you can click right HERE

If you missed the show, you can still click on the link and listen to the archived version. And you never know ... I may give YOUR blog a shout out.

OR .... OR ... you could get your b*lls out of your purse, and call into the show. We'd love to hear from you. The number is 347-539-5407. That number again is 347-539-5407.

This week Speaking from the Crib welcomes Adam Gercak, author of the mega-blog, Throwing Quarters (he's sort of a big deal people) and podcast.

An August 2009 Blogger Blog of Note, fellow Clevelander and avid podcaster, I'll be discussing Adam's blogging journey, podcasting, and possibly the Cavaliers (sorry). Is it too much? Just tell me if it's too much. I can't help it sometimes. I love LeBron James.

What changes have I made to the podcast? Well, let me tell you.

First, the show is now weekly so I can squeeze in all the peeps that wanna come on the show and vice versa.

My format for the show is to feature one guest blogger each week to discuss their blogging journey and the topic of their choice and/or just sit in with me to yenta about whatever I have lined up to discuss.

If you're interested in coming on the show, email me at speakingfromthecrib@yahoo.com. In the subject line, please put PODCAST GUEST in caps so it stands out to me and I don't let it sit. Thank you very much.

I'll also be doing shout outs to my Top Blog of the Week, awesome and/or new blogs I have found, sneak peeks at the following week's blog posts, and much, much, more!

As always, callers are welcomed and encouraged. AND if you call in, automatic shout out for your blog. C'mon people!

And last, but certainly not least, my in-real-life blogging gal-pal Jill from HurstBurst will co-produce and co-host the shows with me.

When I'm at a loss for words she knows just what to say to keep it flowing and I think we make a great team.

So if Jill is available (and willing) she'll be doing every single podcast with me.

With that, here's my upcoming show line-up:

Tuesday, February 16 at 8 pm EST
Guest
Blogger Big Boops from The Blog Formerly Known as Boops Does Tulsa

Tuesday, February 23 at 12:00 pm EST
Guest
BloggerInsanity Kim from A Parent's Life to Behold Through the Eyes of Insanity & Bliss

Tuesday, March 3 at 11:30 AM EST
Guest
Blogger Nathanael Rey (T!nk) from This is What It Feels Like: A Survivor's Guide

Tuesday, March 9 at TBD EST
Guest
Blogger Leigh from Leigh vs Laundry

Tuesday, March 16 at 8:00 PM EST
Guest
Blogger DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom

I hope you'll tune in.

THIS ISN’T YOUR MOTHER’S SHOOTING STAR

Before we get started, just a reminder that my second podcast airs live tomorrow at 11:30 am Eastern Standard Time. You can listen to it from my blog or go to Blog Talk Radio dot com and search Speaking from the Crib. Here's the episode promo:

Speaking from the Crib welcomes Adam Gercak, author of the mega-blog, Throwing Quarters (he's sort of a big deal people) and podcast. An August 2009 Blogger Blog of Note, fellow Clevelander and avid podcaster, I'll be discussing Adam's blogging journey, podcasting, and possibly the Cavaliers (sorry). Is it too much? Just tell me if it's too much. I can't help it sometimes. I love LeBron James.

I hope you'll tune in or at least listen to the Archived version. Maybe even get a little crazy and call into the show. I will be thrilled to hear from you.

Now on with our show.

My son is often in a constant state of hissy-fitness. Related to b*tchassness, but at the youth level.

For some reason, a reason that has long since been forgotten, my husband said something to displease my son.

My son, in a fit of rage, said he wished that his light saber was real, so he could cut his arm off. Or cut off something. Of my husband's. I really don’t remember.

To which I said, thank God the light saber WASN'T real because I would have cut up everyone in this family a long time ago.

The dog would probably go first.

To which he replied, Well, next time I see a shooting star, THAT’S what I'm wishing for.

I hope those star wish things don’t work anymore. Or else I’m sleeping with one eye open.

Actually, after a statement like that, I should probably have been sleeping with one eye open way before now.

You see a wishing star ... what do YOU wish for?

GIVE ME MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE JERSEY SHORE. K-POW!

Apparently, Season 2 of The Jersey Shore has been confirmed. While I can't say that I am saddened by this news, a part of me thinks that the second season will have difficulty living up to the first.

First of all, they are now famous. Or infamous. Which tends to affect some weaker people's personalities. Not so with me. But I digress. I don't think they will be the same level of stupid. Excluding Pauly D from that equation, as he is without fault.

In addition, because of the notoriety of the show, they will be walking targets. Which equals more fights. Except people looking to get their 15 minutes will probably pick fights with them instead of Jersey toughs looking to rough up some out-of-towners.

That's just not genuine.

But I'll take it.

Will you be watching?

In a related note, my Jersey Shore nickname is K-Pow.

Of course it is.

My BFF's nickname is The Tantrum.

Not Audrey (my Coach purse) but my former one.

Our dog's nicknames are B-Pop (mine) and Snickers (hers).

We plan to strictly adhere to these nicknames for the remainder of our lives as a last ditch attempt to feel younger than we really are.

To find YOUR nickname (or your dog's) go here

And then post it in the comments if you're feeling Jersey.

I rate this blog post three and a half fist pumps.

AND IF YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT GO HERE TO CATCH FULL EPISODES. YOU ARE WELCOME.

TOP BLOG OF THE WEEK: SIMPLE SWEET INSPIRATION

This Top Blogger is a wife and mother of two, who works part-time for a nonprofit Christian organization and volunteers for her church community and son's elementary school.

An avid reader and, self-described recovering slob, procrastinator and an aspiring successful person, and life-long wanna be writer.

Well, girl. Looks like you are a writer now! Without further ado, please give a warm round of applause for this week's Top Blog of the Week, AJ Collins at

SIMPLE SWEET INSPIRATION

When I was asked if I wanted to be Top Blog of the Week on SFTC I was a little nervous. I'm not funny. Not in the same way that SHE's funny. I mean, if you had me over for dinner, I could make you laugh. But, if I try to be funny, I come across as a little lame. And strangely intense. So, set your expectations aside, and allow me to introduce myself.

I am probably the only person in the world with a BA in Speech Communication, who is actually AFRAID of public speaking.

True story. I have 2 children who I dearly love, who make my life worth living. I am oddly passionate about a bunch of things that most people don't care about. Like why movies that were books are usually really disappointing, and since I'm anal and insist on reading the book before watching the movie I am ALWAYS disappointed.

The pressure is on. The best part about Speaking from the Crib are the stories. I actually have a million stories that I regularly (and my hubby says, obnoxiously) share at parties and gatherings, but right now I can't think of anything to say. The only thing that keeps coming into my mind is the word poop. What is that about? It's something about this blog. I'm actually very flattered. Thank you, AJ. Poop IS my middle name.

Since it was recently the Christmas season, let me share with you one of my favorite Christmas memories.

9 years ago, the second year my hubby and I were "us", we went on an ill fated trip with his extended family to the Beach, for Grandma's "last Christmas", incidentally, we've been having Grandma's "last Christmas" every year since then, not complaining, just sayin'.

My husband has 8 cousins on his mother's side. I'm fairly certain that this particular trip, most, if not all, were there, ranging from 10 - 21 years old. Because we were the newlyweds, and the only married couple from the younger generation, we got our own room. The rest of the family was scattered among 3 floors of this one Holiday Inn Express.

My husband, a naturally humorous and somewhat mischievous person, bought some stink bombs at a local shop, and brought them back to the hotel, with a nefarious purpose. You see, all of the over-18 male cousins were sharing a hotel room, (there were four of them) and my husband managed to gain entry into their room and hide a couple stink bombs behind the toilet in their room, set them off and made his escape.

Moments later the four of them returned to their room and that is when all hell broke loose.

One common genetic trait that many in that family share is a weak stomach. Within moments, my husband's brother had vomited into the toilet, one of the other cousins had puked in the sink, and randomly, a third got a sudden case of diarrhea. Perhaps he had a nervous bowel.

Needless to say, the smell was unbelievable. We were a floor below them, and were standing in the hallway when an elevator opened and the smell filled the hallway. Soon most of the hotel reeked of stink bomb (which was an eye-watering, gag-worthy smell) and faintly smelled of vom and poop.

The best part of all: there was a traveling girls volleyball team that was staying on the 3rd floor. Guess who got blamed for that?!

I still laugh maniacally whenever I think of the teen girls standing in the hallway pointing fingers at each other, while the boys tried to clean vomit out of their sink. Ah, good memories.

With that done, I do need to share the truth.

I don't usually tell gross, poop-related stories. My blog is a fair mix of unwanted advice, craft ideas, tips for everything from cleaning to making friends and a random collection of meme's and creative writings.

It is not always funny, sometimes I write about God and my faith, but I am an easily amused person, and that type of humor does come out in my writings.

Thank you for allowing me to guest blog. I'm not worthy! I'm not worthy!

The end.

Well, AJ, for an amateur poop-story-teller, I think you did quite well. Now be a good SFTC follower and head on over to her place, leave her some comment love, and why not follow?

Have a great weekend!

I WILL SHOW YOU CRAZY. NO, SERIOUSLY, I WILL. OR HOW LITTERING IS JUST WRONG AND IRRESPONSIBLE.

I was 8 months pregnant with my first child. I had just moved from my hometown and had no friends or family nearby. I was on modified bed rest and not working.

Let’s just say, I relied a lot on my husband for human interaction.

And let’s just say, he relied a lot on the computer in the upstairs spare bedroom to pretend he did not have an anxious desperate lonely pregnant wife sitting on the couch downstairs, waiting for him to pay her attention.

And let’s just say, you might know this computer. Her name is Karen.

In my efforts to initiate human contact, I re-located the computer downstairs to the dining area behind the couch.

My husband would sit at the computer.

I would sit on the couch.

At least we were in the same room, right?

Oddly enough, this just made me crazier. He’s sitting two feet from me but we could (and did and continue to) go hours and hours without ever saying a word to each other.

On one night in particular, we were arguing (again) about how he was always on the computer and ignoring me. And I think I threw the mouse or something ridiculously melodramatic.

He looks me dead in the eye, and says,

YOU ARE CRAZY.

And honestly, if you only knew.

Why hello there Kettle. My name is Pot and I do believe you are the color known as BLACK or as the French say, NOIR.

But I digress.

And I say back to him,

I’LL SHOW YOU CRAZY.

I yanked the @$##$%# keyboard out of the computer, grabbed the car keys and my purse, and loaded up the station wagon for a little trip down I-71.

Twenty minutes later, I heaved the keyboard out the window of my car, driving 80 mph and cackled wildly as I heard it smash into a million bits.

And that’s my crazy.

As it is highly dangerous to drive at those speeds, let alone when you are pregnant.

Not to mention trying to heave an unwieldy keyboard WITH ATTACHED LENGTHY CORD out the window going that fast.

It’s practically suicide.

And littering, really, there is no excuse.

WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED? I DON'T KNOW EITHER. OR. PODCAST RING OF HELL.

I am writing directly after the aftermath that was my first podcast. Wow. I was a hot mess. A hot ridiculous mess.

I couldn't sleep the night before AT ALL because my daughter was waking up every two hours and also because of -I'll say it- pre-podcast nerves. Don't ask me WHY I was nervous. I do not know. I just was. And I'm rarely nervous.

I call into my switchboard and the British-accent-lady started counting down ... 5 minutes to show time, 4 minutes to showtime, 3 minutes to show time ... I'm rehearsing my intro script and already I know I am in trouble.

There's a lot of gasps for breath, my voice is shaking. I don't sound confident. In my head, the following is playing in a constant loop:

Why am I doing this? What the #$%^ is my problem? God! So stupid! I'm so STUPID! I'm not gonna be funny (check) I'm gonna sound like a retard (check) and no one will listen (check).

So I start the show and there are a lot of ahs, and ums, and I'm breathing sporadically and I sound like I'm 15 days post-mortem, and I get past the intro and launch into my story.

I forget like 80% of the story, I can feel myself slowly careening off the cliff in the burning car with the faulty brakes. I'm considering just wrapping it up, hanging up, and saying, NEVER AGAIN.

And that's when I decide to keep it real and just say WHAT AM I DOING? I SUCK. THIS SUCKS AND I WOULD NEVER LISTEN TO THIS CRAP. It happens around minute 3:28.

And then an angel appeared in the form of a caller. It was LEIGH from Leigh vs Laundry. Ok, things are improving. She's wonderful and I heart her.

Then another caller, it's JILL from HurstBurst, my in real life friend, and I want to burst into tears at the sound of her voice. Now I can really be me, because, I'm just talking to Jill, right?

And then, lo and behold, another caller, and it's MATTY from Matty Thoughts. He's offering his male perspective. God love him.

And so, in the end (and I have listened to it like 18 times now already) it turned out okay. It was a rocky start. But I hung in there, outside of my comfort zone, and I finished strong. I thought my exit was pretty freaking amazing and even semi-professional.

Except I forgot to hang up so there's like 20 minutes of me breathing. Sorry 'bout that.

I also say AI YI YI a lot more than originally thought. That's for my Hispanic followers slash listeners.

If you want to listen to any of it go right-----> HERE

And for those of you anxiously awaiting my next podcast, here's the down low:

It will be on Tuesday, February 16 at 8 pm eastern standard time (tentative time it may change)

The author of the blog, Speaking from the Crib, welcomes sister blogger Boops Does Tulsa (http://www.boopsdoestulsa.com/) to discuss what happens when your husband does not appreciate your blog and what you write about him.

This episode will be co-produced by Jill at HurstBurst (http://hurstburst.blogspot.com/) which she may or may not know about.

All callers welcome. And please call in -I ain't too proud to beg- I will totally know who you are because aside from general appearances, I really am not that stupid.

So what is something you did that took you out of your comfort zone?

Blog Talk Radio's Speaking from the Crib Podcast Hits the Airwaves

Today is the day of my FIRST podcast. Hop over to my sidebar and take a listen if you honestly have nothing better to do. Not the whole thing, maybe like a minute.

It's right here if you can't find or don't know what a scroll bar is.

It doesn't start until 11 AM EASTERN STANDARD TIME though, so if you're early ...

I don't know what to tell you.

In addition, my voice is hypnotizing and totally annoying all at the same time.

If you go to Blog Talk Radio and you're listening to my podcast and you're feeling reckless or stupid, call in to my show.

The number is 347-539-5407. That number again is 347-539-5407.

If my podcast is already over, just click on this link to listen to some of it.

Just a minute.

Like, just the intro. Or the outro.

It's right here

WISH ME LUCK!

Since I am podcasting I won't be visiting blogs today. Probably. But I am clear up to like December 7th comments, so ... okay.

And I understand the not being able to listen b/c of work, sleeping kids, etc.

Let's just say it:

NO ONE LISTENS.

But I am entertaining myself.

And that's all that matters.

PODCAST UPDATE

The podcast was a total train wreck. The meltdown occurs at minute three when I realize that I can not speak to an empty room or a virtual audience.

At least that part was entertaining.

The show did improve when my besties ever called in to lend their support so I am FOREVER indebted to the following people

JILL

LEIGH

MATTY
who now gets a spot on my blog roll
That's what loyalty gets you people.

And thank you to the 70 people who have actually listened to at least part of it, thus far.

And a big hug of blessings and gratefulness to my friend Sue who drove to my house (unbeknownst to me) and sat in my driveway, ready to break down the door so I would have someone to talk to. You are just unbelievable and I heart you Sue :)

It will be better next time.

It better be or I really am going to shoot myself in the face.

WILL I BE ABLE TO TAKE OVER THE PODCASTING UNIVERSE TOO? PROBABLY.

Well, TOMORROW is my first foray into the world of the podcast. I've found that many folks have no idea what a podcast is. Well, it is like a radio show except not on the radio. It's on your computer. You need a computer to listen to it. If you look over on my sidebar, you'll see a little button you can click on and listen to it tomorrow. It's right under my profile picture. See it? No? Well, then just click here.

I consider myself not only a writer, but a story teller. Telling stories is how I got into this whole writing thing, because as I have entertained my friends (and myself) with my multitude of stories, they would always say: you should write a book. You have the best stories. And I do. No one can command the story-telling floor at a mixed party like me. No one. It's a gift.

Everyone has stories to tell, but not everyone can tell them in an entertaining way. Believe me. When I am caught in a bad-story-telling-vortex (read too many details, too much background, taking too long, and no punchline or point), I simply place a feigned-interest look on my face, while my brain is whirling and twirling, getting ready to tell my next great tale.

So that is the aim for my podcast, to tell the stories that I haven't written yet and share them with you ... thrown in with whatever else I feel like talking about. I hope it is entertaining, and I hope someone listens to it, except me.

And I will probably listen to it about 1,000 times.

Because I am my own biggest fan.

I should probably also mention that technically, I have no idea what I am doing.

So I'm going to pull out the big guns now:

Please help me Jesus, God, Oprah, Gayle, Chelsea Handler, Tom Cruise, maybe Conan or even Jay - whoever is more popular and less-hated at the mo, the entire cast of The Jersey Shore (except Angelina and Vinnie), and Suri (that's for you MODG).

And finally, if you want to get like a bajillion crib points, you can call into my show. The number is 347-539-5407. That number again is 347-539-5407.

And if this first show goes off without a hitch, I'm going to be asking fellow bloggers to guest host with me. How fun is that and who wants to be first?

Again, my first show is TOMORROW and it starts at 11 am (EST). If you can't listen live, you can still click on the link and listen to archived episodes. Yeah, that's right.

I HAVE EPISODES. Aga
347) 539-5407 (347) 539-5407 (347) 539-5407
What do YOU think I should talk about tomorrow? And if you follow me via Facebook or Twitter, you will receive a reminder message 15 minutes prior to the show start.

STOP AND READ THIS

MY PODCAST IS
TOMORROW AT 11 AM
EASTERN STANDARD TIME

SO YOU CAN'T LISTEN
TO IT NOW,
LATER TONIGHT,
OR ANYTIME
BEFORE 11 AM
EASTERN STANDARD TIME

TOMORROW

WHICH MEANS
IF YOU ARE READING
THIS POST
RIGHT

-NOW-

YOU HAVE

-NOT-

MISSED IT
BECAUSE IT IS

-NOT-

UNTIL

TOMORROW

Get with it skimming weasels
I will totally bust your
skimming weasel-ness

Totally

Fear me